This isn’t the baby I dreamed of
This isn’t the life I had planned
I think you have made a mistake here
I really just don’t understand.
I don’t think I’m up to the job spec
A baby like this needs much more
Than a mother whose mind is a shipwreck
And a heart that is breaking and sore.
But I’ll take him and give it my best shot
And hope that the love finds its way,
I can’t promise the earth but I know
That I will give him my best every day.
I could never have known he was gifted
With a magic unlike any other
That my soul would be mended and lifted
That he’d create such a grateful mother.
I did not even see when it happened
When my heart stopped to grieve and to yearn
For a life that was never meant for me
Just one of the lessons I’d learn.
Along with a new-found acceptance
That difference is hard but it’s great
That the love always comes in its own time
But for some there is just a short wait.
That the things other mums take for granted
As their babies advance and grow old
Will forever be things I will cheer for
As I watch them carefully unfold.
That the well-timed kind words of a mother
Who’s a stranger but walks the same path
Could give comfort as much as another
As they give hope, let me cry, help me laugh.
That I’d have days when I felt really lonely
And times when I’d sit down and cry,
Moments I’d looked back on our journey
Asking how, asking when, asking why.
But I’d also have days when I’d realize
That it’s fine to be apart from the rest
That a life I may never have chosen
Is now one in which I feel blessed.
I would learn that I’m more than a mother
I’m a guard, advocate and a voice
And I’m not sure that I’d change life today
If I were suddenly given the choice.
No, it wasn’t the baby I’d dreamed of
It wasn’t the life I had planned
But its made my life richer and brighter
And it’s now that I understand.
Our babies don’t come to a parent
Who is special and chosen and tough
They come to a parent who is stubborn
And loving and will never give up.
One who will fight for their children
Till they fall to their knees on the floor
But will get back up again the very next day
When they realize they need to do more.
One who will love so intensely
That words will just fail to explain
One who is glad of the journey
One who evolves through the pain.
A parent who knows that its natural
To feel so very lost at the start
And one who will help and guide others
As they learn their new journey by heart.